I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
