I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
