your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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