it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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