I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
