you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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