OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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