Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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