you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
