i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
