I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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