with your own penis?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
