we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
