So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize