I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
