woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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