Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
