the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
