I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
