dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
