you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
