i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
