I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
