I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
