Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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