This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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