I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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