Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
