Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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