areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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