Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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