you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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