She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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