you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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