I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
