my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
