if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said you looked used
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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