Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
