Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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