I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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