I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
3 2 1 whiskey
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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