Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize