the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
