Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
