I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
