she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
