he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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