Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
