I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
