Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
