Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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