This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
