we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
