I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
