onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
