I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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