Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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