My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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