Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
