There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
