I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
