Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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