her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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