I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were destined to go to rehab together
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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