remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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