The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
