who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
