I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
