i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
